Ah, Divinity: Original Sin 2 – where every companion comes with more baggage than a luggage convention and enough personality to make a psychiatrist retire early. As someone who’s accidentally turned Beast into a disco-dancing chicken-summoner and Fane into a skeleton Santa Claus, let me tell you: picking classes for these drama queens is half the fun. Today, we’re diving into the art of turning Larian’s angsty heroes into glorified chess pieces for maximum chaos (and slightly organized violence).

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Beast: The Tipsy Dwarf Revolution

Who knew a booze-loving revolutionary could moonlight as a backstabbing ninja? While our stout lad requests to be a Battlemage ("I’ll fight tyranny with LIGHTNING!"), I say let his Dwarven Guile shine as a Shadowblade Rogue:

  • 🎭 Chameleon Cloak = Vanish like my dignity after third wine

  • 🐔 Chicken Claw = Turn gods into KFC buckets

  • 🔪 Backlash crits hit harder than his political manifestos

But if you’re basic, keep him as Battlemage:

Pros Cons
Blinding Squall = Portable rave Looks ridiculous doing somersaults in plate armor
10% extra HP = More time to monologue Can’t decide if he’s Thor or Shakespeare

Fane: Time-Traveling Grandpa

This walking calcium deficiency begs to be a Wizard, but why not make him an Inquisitor? Nothing says “ancient scholar” like:

  • 🩸 Blood Sucker = Vampire dentist routine

  • ⏳ Time Warp = Extra turn to adjust his hip replacement

  • 🧪 Poison immunity = Chugs antifreeze for breakfast

Wizard build highlights:

  • 🔥 Searing Daggers = Kabob maker at Ren Faire

  • 🌋 Fossil Strike = Creates oil slicks for “ecological warfare”

  • 📏 Far Out Man talent = Snipes enemies from next zip code

Ifan: Retired Himbo with Wolf Issues

Our favorite ex-merc wanted to be a Wayfarer? Boring. Let’s make him a Metamorph instead:

  • 🐂 Bull Horns = Charges like Tinder date gone wrong

  • 🦑 Tentacle Lash = Anime protagonist reject

  • 🐺 Soul Wolf = Emotional support animal with teeth

Or embrace archery as Ranger:

  • 🎯 Ricochet = Bank shot master

  • 🔥 Elemental Arrows = Pyromaniac Robin Hood

  • 😌 Peace of Mind = Meditation app for murder

Lohse: Jukebox of Doom

The walking Spotify playlist shines as Enchanter:

  • 🌧️ Rain + ⚡ Electric Discharge = Budget Thor

  • ❄️ Hail Strike = Frozen margarita machine

  • 🎵 Maddening Song = Makes enemies line dance to death

Alternative builds:

  • 🧙♀️ Witch = Chloroform naps & blood Pina Coladas

  • 🐾 Conjurer = Summons spirit animals and emotional baggage

Red Prince: Lizard Himbo Supreme

Default Fighter? Yawn. Let’s get weird:

  • 🦎 Metamorph = Chicken-summoning dominatrix

  • 🛡️ Bouncing Shield = Frisbee of death

  • 🔥 Dragon’s Blaze = Breath freshener from hell

Ranger option:

  • 🏹 Elemental Arrows = Lights enemies up like Christmas trees

  • 😏 Sophisticated talent = Fire resistance for Tinder dates

Sebille: Salad-Shanking Elf

Her Rogue request is solid, but why not Shadowblade?

  • ✨ Chameleon Cloak = Edge-lord vanishing act

  • 🍴 Flesh Sacrifice = DIY sushi chef

  • 🔗 Break Shackles = Therapy session mid-combat

Wildcard pick: Corpse-Munching Witch

  • 💀 Raise Bloated Corpse = Zombie bestie

  • 🦟 Mosquito Swarm = Organic juice cleanse

  • 😴 Chloroform = Bedtime stories for adults

At the end of the day, whether you make Fane a geriatric ninja or Lohse a heavy metal bard, remember: there’s no wrong build – just hilarious ways to fail. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to explain to Beast why turning the final boss into poultry violates the Geneva Convention.